


I'm ready to owe you things

by MissRaichyl



Series: Love Story [20]
Category: Glee
Genre: Adventureland inspired, Alternate Universe - Amusement Park, Angst, F/M, Finn and Quinn are together, Fluff and Angst, Jesse POV, Jesse falls first, Jesse is older and in college, Minor Slow Burn, Rachel is a bit of a mess, lovesick Jesse I guess, minor Rachel and Finn, they didn't meet in high school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22301914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissRaichyl/pseuds/MissRaichyl
Summary: Jesse takes a job at the local amusement park while helping his uncle out for the summer. He didn't expect to meet Rachel Berry and now he can't get her out of his head.
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Jesse St. James
Series: Love Story [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/228578
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. do you think of me?

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired from the movie and so there are some like scenes, but I tried to stay as close to the Glee relationships as possible as I could for my personal storyline. 
> 
> Story title is from the movie Adventureland; Chapter title is from the song 10,000 Hours by Dan+Shay

“I think I like her,” I say absently, watching Rachel walk across the park, her Minnie Mouse ears holding back her hair. She was smiling again. I never saw her without one it felt like.

“Do you now?” The guy who kept up the rides and such asked back, a smirk on his lips… maybe he was beating the broken game’s board thing- who was I to know? He looks up slightly, the sun glaring into his eyes and squints but I know that he’s looking at her, watching her like I was. He shrugs. 

_ Dick. _ I think to myself and look back toward the bubbly brunette who never seems to have a bad day. She’s heading to the horse-race game, too far from my booth to casually chat today but maybe tomorrow. “All fixed, St. James.” He gruffs, putting his stuff back into his bag. I nod toward him and walk into my booth.

* * *

We stand around the parking lot, waiting for rides and for others to leave. Me? I’m waiting for her to say goodbye. I don’t want to leave until she does. I don’t want to see her go either, but it’s better to see her off then not know what happened after. What if someone else likes her and makes a move on her before I get the chance? 

She spots something, a grimace decorating her face. “That’s my ride,” She doesn’t look happy, her voice deflates and she takes a swig of the whiskey I managed to swipe from the lost and found. 

“Come on, nose job!” We all hear it from the silver convertible, inside sitting a darker skinned female with jet black hair. I look back at Rachel and wonder for the millionth time what kind of world she lived in. No matter, she passes the bottle back to me, runs a hand through her hair, and starts off.

“I can give you a ride,” I offer lamely, but I’m proud. I didn’t usually lack confidence around girls, but Rachel… there was something different about her. It made me rethink my self’s actions. Made me want to be better than the me from high school. Hell, than the me from College. 

She turns fast, her hair spinning with her as if she was in a Loreal commercial. Her eyes light up and the chocolate brown of them melts into his heart, making it beat way to fast for anything safe. “Really?” She asks and I nod, taken aback by the reaction.

She waves to the car idling by, “Sanatana, I got a ride-” She stops, looks back, “Seriously?” She asks and I nod again, beginning to turn shyer than I’ve ever been. “You’re not joking, righ-” She starts again, breathless and then looks back at the silver car, “I got a ride, go home! Yea, thanks!” She finishes her strange split conversation and a few of us laugh at the absurdity of Rachel Berry. It makes her so much more charming to me.

I pull my keys out, “my car’s this way.” I say, tilting my head in the direction. She smiles and follows. I didn’t expect that it would become a regular thing, but since, she always followed me after work. I never complained.


	2. lately you've been on my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from "Adore You" by Harry Styles.

“I hear you play the drums?” I ask him, waiting for a reply as he works on another switchboard- Rachel taught me what they were called. He shrugs in response. I nod to myself. 

Rachel weaves through the crowd toward us, her Minnie Mouse ears a beacon for my eyes, the red shirt seems to only look like heaven on her while it washes the rest of us out. 

“Hey!” She says, a jump in her step. “My dad’s are out of town so I’m gonna have a party.” She announces, a smile on her face that makes me want to faint right there. She’s too cute, I can’t. “So, you guys free?” She asks, looking at us both, eyes wide and expecting. I can’t disappoint those eyes.

“Sure thing.” I respond, giving her a smile, happy to see her return it.

“Finn?” She asks and I notice a change in her stance, her arms moving behind her, her head leaning to the side. No… no way, I look between the two. The way he avoids her eyes, the desperateness in hers. _Shit._ I look back toward him, _say no, tell her no._ I chant in my head, over and over. 

“Busy, Rach.” He responds, a fake smile plastered on his face. “Next time, though, yea?” He says, putting his tools away. 

My eyes swivel to her and if she’s disappointed, she doesn’t show it. She looks back at me, balancing back and forth on her toes, “9, okay? Don’t be late.” I nod and watch her leave. Hudson leaves too, his shoulders looking heavy. I don’t want to know, but I think I have to.

* * *

The party is in full swing, drinks everywhere. Nearly every member of the crew under 25 is hanging around the house, invading it as if it was theirs. I don’t think about it much, but I think the mess will be at least a three-day cleanse. Santana, part of the ride workers, was hanging on the blonde from snacks. She was usually the main girl taking shots at Rachel, but I guess she didn’t have a problem taking shots from her Dads alcohol cabinet.

I walk around, a red cup in hand, looking for Minnie Mouse ears, knowing she most likely won’t be in them but it’s a habit. 

Her house is big, she must be well off which doesn’t make sense as she worked part-time at an amusement park but maybe she wasn’t there for the money. I remember her eyes on the Hudson, the way she changed. She made it obvious and his rejection made me suspicious. What had happened? 

“Jesse!” I hear the squeal behind and turn just in time to catch the flying Rachel. “You came!” She sounds happy, which must be good. Maybe the many rides home had given me a leg up against the Drummer after all. “You’re late.” She pulled away pouting and the definite blush gave away her intoxication level. 

“My mom,” I start and she waves the reason away, returning with a smile.

“You’re here.” She states and I grin, happy to have made her happy somehow.

“I am.” I reply. 

The music wraps around us, trailing after us from one room to another as we walk along and about. Saying hi to the chorus crew, the other game crew, ignoring the Rides crew. She stays next to me, rambling and talking about things that matter, things that don’t. I want to ask but I’m afraid it’s too new, that if I ask and she gets mad, my chance is gone. 

We sit around the living room, trading horror stories of the park guest, “Does anyone want to swim?” Rachel asks suddenly and a few of us agree, heading outside. 

We strip off our clothes to our underwear, most of the girls keep their shirts on. We jump in, the water was cold but the experience warm. The company sweet. Rachel stays near me, laughing and splashing, shaking her hair at me when I dunk her. I wish I was braver, that I could go up to her confidently and ask her out, ask her to take a chance. Instead I mess around with her, splashing her to hear her protest and laugh and scream. 

We play games with others, chase a ball around the pool, volleying back and forth. I miss it a few times and Rachel puts me under for retribution. In Chicken, she falls off of Blaine’s shoulders and into my arms, full of giggles but she stills when she meets my eyes and for a split second the world stills too. The sounds fall away and all is replaced by her. By her smile, her laughter, her breathing. _Her_. Rachel’s eyes widen, seeing me finally, her hands grazing my shoulders, looking for balance in this liminal space and all she finds is me. 

“We should get more drinks.” The words stumble out of her mouth and I falter, my hands removing themselves and letting her float away towards the ladder, running for cover in the bottom of a bottle. “You coming?” She turns back and I follow, disappointed I let the moment pass but happy to stay with her.

* * *

The party enters early morning, hitting 2 am and we end up in the den of the house, down the basement stairs, looking into a room full of boxes. “My Dads are gay, I was born via surgecy.” She spills suddenly into the silence and I look toward her, leaning on one side of the door jamb opposite of her. A bottle of expensive wine sits in her hands and she grips the neck of it tightly. “They won’t tell me who she was or is. They say that it doesn’t matter.”

“Does it?” I ask and when she looks at me I can see that it does, that she’s curious far more than she exposes. “Are you going to find her?” I ask next, wondering what the answer is. 

She shakes her head, taking a long drink and then holding it out for me and I take my turn with it. “I’m eighteen now and if she wanted to contact me, she could.” She looks inside the room with the boxes. “If she did, I would take her here.” She nods toward them and I hand her the bottle back. “These boxes hold my life from infancy to now. Everything I created or did is in there. A Rachel Berry shrine.”

“That’s a little creepy.” I can’t help it when it slips out. That was the first thought in my head, that and also that is was sweet that her parents cared so much. She, however, splits into giggles. “I’m sorry, that was rude-” I apologize but she waves it away, the serious moment lost. 

“No, you’re right,” she moves and I back away from the shrine, watching as she shuts it off by closing the door. “But, soon I’ll be in New York, training under the best singers and stage actors of this time and maybe it won’t matter that I don’t have a mom.” 

“New York?” I ask and she nods, pride swelling in the air around her. “I live there.” I say stupidly and she looks at me. “Like, I go to school in New York, NYADA.” I add, “I’m an acting major there.” Her reaction was not one I was expecting but it pulls me toward her all the same. 

“That’s where I’m going.” She says, pointing toward herself with her bottle clutching hand.

I step toward her, disbelief coating me. Not because I can’t believe that she got in- no, I one-hundred percent believe that. “I guess our meeting was inevitable then,” I quip, happy to know that we probably would’ve met one way or another. She looks down suddenly, hiding her face, shy. I step toward her again, wanting to try my moment again, my hand raising to catch her chin, maybe push her hair back to see her eyes but a crash from upstairs takes her away.

She startles, racing for the stairs. “Shit, I got go see-”

“Yea, no,” I agree, stepping back to let her go, taking the wine bottle, “no, go,” I finish but she was gone. I take a long swig of the bottle, cursing the morons upstairs.


	3. please tell me what you're thinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from Mean It by Lauv & LANY

We sit around that day, it was a slow one. Most of the kids were at Summer Camp and so parents were at home doing what parents with a day off will do. I, on the other hand, was counting my savings so far which was poorly lacking. “How have I only made this much?” I muse out loud as another Game Crew walks past.

“Because it’s a job any moron without a brain could do, St. James.” He laughs as he walks away and I think about throwing one of the stuffed cupcake prizes at him but figure it’s not worth the loss of money in the paycheck to use one of those for petty revenge but then he’s running back this way announcing something to everyone he passes, “Kitty’s back! Holy shit! Kitty’s back!” he screams and I turn to where he came from as he enters the booth around me. “Play cool, okay, St. James?” he orders and I have to keep from laughing at the absurdity of his comment.

“I’ll do my best,” I replied dryly as I keep tallying up my budget, trying to see what I have and will have. He taps his fingers against the wooden stall as she passes. 

She seems like a bubbly blonde with a fake smile posted on her face but she comes up to us anyway, exchanging pleasantries with drooling Sam and giving me a full once over. I introduced myself to the ‘famous’ Kitty as Sam made a fool of himself and when they left, he turned to me, whacking me on the back. “Holy shit, she’s into you!” I roll my eyes. 

“Not interested.” I tell him, sliding out of the booth, ready to clock out for the day. I had the exciting plans to go home and lay back on my bed, listening to some records or run through some acting exercises. He protests behind me until I can’t hear him anymore.

As I head to the office, I see her stocking a shelf, hoisting up one of the ugly rabbits. I don’t stop to think, just let my feet change direction, heading her way. “Hey,” I say as I get close and she looks over at me, a sudden grin on her face as she pushes one more time and rabbit sits happily up on the shelf. “So, Patti LuPone or Barbra Streisand?” I start off jokingly, not ignoring the extensive movie collection I spotted in her house, happy to meet another Broadway Legends fan outside of school. 

She stands there, hands on her hips, chewing her lip, thinking for a solid minute before shaking her head, “Nope, impossible choice. You can’t choose between two greats.” She explains and I can’t help the grin on my face, happy to connect with her on something besides Glee club and this old park. 

I ask before I can talk myself out of it. “Do you want to get a bite after work?” I try to play it cool but even I hate the words that come out of my mouth. My usual sauve was gone in the face of the brown, doe eyes. I couldn’t fake it with her. I didn’t _want_ to. The usual charming self was broken down in front of her, leaving only a guy named Jesse who wanted nothing more than to share a plate of fries with the girl in front of me.

She gives me a warm glance filled with some type of affection that makes my heart do a double thump. “Yea, I can do with some food,” she replies. 

I walk out with her, happy to have made some progress.

* * *

We sit with a plate of fries between us, munching on them as we drink pg-rated drinks, talking about nothing and everything. “So, I feel like I should tell you that,” I stop, pause, and think. “Well, I thought you should know, anyway,” I risk a look at her and my heart stops. She’s too cute. She’s too much. The bright eyes, the soft skin, her hair, and that air she carries. “I’m kind of a hot shot at school.” I say, though it doesn’t come out the way I wanted. It sounded totally lame, but I said it and now she’s laughing at me. 

“Is that so?” She says in between breaths and I start laughing with her. It’s unavoidable. She’s contagious and I feel my heart thump hard in my chest a few times. “I wouldn’t have guessed.” 

“Well, that's because you’re around.” I flirt, hopefully, some-what successfully. Her laugh stops, choking into a cough. She’s about to say something but suddenly Finn walks up to us, greeting us with a head nod. “Hey man,” I say as a small blonde appears behind him. His eyes glance over Rachel and she returns the greeting nonchalant. It gives me hope. 

They then pass us completely, heading to a different table with a guy with a short mohawk and another girl. “Who is that?” I ask, looking after Finn and the girl. I had never heard about Hudson dating.

Rachel takes a sip, before pointing out the girl who clutched Finn’s shoulders, draping adorably on him as he talked to the mohawk guy. “That’s Quinn, she’s in my year.” She answers, her voice less than impressed.

I nod, “And?”

“She’s Finn’s girlfriend,” she says and I wait for the other part, the part that keeps her from acting if she has a crush at all, “and they have a kid.” She takes a bite of the french fries between us with a shrug but I’m left with my mouth hanging open like a dumbass.

“Hudson’s a dad?”

“I guess…” She trails off, circling her drink with her straw. “There were a lot of rumors sophomore year that it was his friend’s,” she points to the guy with the mohawk, “that it was the coach’s,” she stops, thinking. “I think there was even one about them getting pregnant in a hot tub without having legit sex.”

I sputter my drink, holding back a laugh as the corners of her mouth turn up. “Is that even possible?” I can’t help but ask. There’s no way- the chlorine would definitely kill anything in the water, not to mention the travel time…

“I wouldn’t know,” she shrugs, her voice getting smaller. 

I look and see her smirk gone, wiped away. I knew what that meant, but I didn’t want to be _that_ asshole. “What do you mean?” I cock my head to the side and she returns it with a glare of her own. 

“What do you mean ‘what do you mean’?” She mimics, flicking her straw away and once more I’m struck by how lovely she is, even when pissed off. It’s better, almost, getting to experience her different sides. Seeing parts of her others might not because I’m here with her, she chose to come with me. Not Hudson, right? 

I lean against the back of the both, leveling her glare with a stare of my own, “don’t they teach that stuff in 6th grade?” I ask simply and the pink creeps across her face, a blush of embarrassment. She’s more lovable than I thought. I feel like a creep so much that I want to sing the song ‘Creep’ but I can’t help it. She doesn’t care what others think and she’s talented. Her voice, her music. She’s one in a million.

“Ah, I thought you meant-”

“Asking if you’ve done it?” I finish her sentence, cocking an eyebrow, knowing exactly what she assumed from her reaction before. 

She doesn’t get defensive again, but lazily says, “well hasn’t everyone at my age?” 

I detect jealousy but that’s normal. I remember feeling that way before I had given it up, too. So, I make sure I have her attention when I answer. “Not everyone is you.” I say, watching to make sure she understands. That it’s okay to wait, to not follow the crowd. I don’t care that you haven’t, others won’t either. Don’t be jealous of those that have because sex isn’t everything- I want her to understand all of this from just one look.

“Is that a good thing?”

“I’d like to think so.” I send her a smile and she gives one back, a different blush taking over her features, one that gives me a bold leap of courage. “Want to get out of here?” I ask and am happy when she reaches for her coat.

* * *

We get in the car, the ac blasting in the unforgiving heat of the summer night. She’s beside me staring out the window and I want to ask what happened between her and Hudson, if anything happened or if it was just a high school crush but I can’t. I don’t want to ruin the moment here in the quiet of the car, where she’s humming along to my favorite songs.

In my peripheral, I see her stare at me for a long moment and then I hear her voice, “Where are we going?” She asks and I look toward her and smile. 

“Somewhere.” I want to be mysterious and hope that I didn’t come off as crazy-stalker material but she doesn’t question me, just hums in approval, happy to be getting away from Lima, Ohio for a night. 

The song changes in the car and _Hello_ starts in on its first chords and Rachel gets excited, startling me for a second. “I love this song!” She exclaims to the closed car, her hand hitting my shoulder lightly and I chuckle, reaching to the volume knob on the stereo to turn it up.

We both sing along and I feel like I’m falling in love.

* * *

I unlock the back doors into the auditorium, careful not to be too loud. “Is this legal?” She asks, her voice hushed, waiting for the cops to pull around any second. 

“‘Course it is,” I answer as I open the heavy doors, ushering us inside. “My old coach gave me the key so I could practice during the summer.” I tell her, speaking at normal volume, comfortable in my starting point. It was like coming home. I put the key in my pocket and walk with her down the long hall before emptying out at the wings, leading onto the stage I had performed on so many times.

Sweat and blood echoed here, times where I was likened to a God and where I couldn’t falter. I was the best here and still was. The teammates I had left behind still get excited when they see me and yet, in front of this girl, I was a pathetic, mumbling buffoon. 

That girl walks before me, standing on the unlit stage, taking it in. “It’s so much bigger than ours.” She speaks out to the seats, her own soliloquy and I don’t want to be pathetic anymore. I don’t want to hold back. I don’t want to lose anymore chances. I don’t want to be the flirtatious asshole from before I met her, but I want her to know me. 

“Rach,” I call out, coming toward her and she turns, giving me the right moment and I kiss her. It’s a bit sloppy because I wasn’t careful but she doesn’t stop me. She doesn’t pull back and slap me, but leans into me. Her hand clutches my shoulder, my hands cupping her face, my thumb threading down her cheek and I pull away, to give her the choice. I let her choose to walk away and I would take her home, act like this had never happened. 

But she doesn’t ask that of me. She just gives me this secret smile and I brush her hair behind her ear and she reaches up, bringing my lips back to hers. She is soft and sweet, her lips follow mine without hesitation and I know that I’m not her special first kiss, maybe not even a candidate for first love but I don’t care. 

I move my hands, one to her waist and the other into her hair, holding her tighter and she wraps her arms around my neck. I want to be something to her, something good and I want to remind her of _Hello_ in the summer, a stolen kiss in a deafening quiet place. I want her to remember me when she shares a plate of french fries or when she sees an obnoxiously, stupidly, gigantic rabbit. 

I stop the kiss slowly and look at her, watching her blink open her eyes to see me, watch me waiting with heavy breaths as we regain the lost oxygen. I don’t want this to be the end, I don’t want it to be fleeting. “I should take you home,” I offer, not wanting to rush something that could be so perfect. She nods and folds her hand in mine, something that kills me inside because I don’t think I could be without her now.


	4. i'm not tryna be your part time lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from Whats a Man Gotta Do by The Jonas Brothers

“So you guys kissed?” Sam asks as I open my stall, getting ready for the demons that’ll come at me with puke, slime, and silvia. 

“Yea, I didn’t feel like holding back anymore so I went for it,” I tell him, excited about the kiss from last night, excited to get to see Rachel today. I wanted to hang out with her, talk to her, and get to know her… sing with her again. 

We’ll both be at NYADA in the Fall and we met now? Must be fate, inevitable. Something working beyond us to bring us together. “That good, huh?” He asks, throwing one of the stuffed toys at me and I just laugh.

* * *

The games crew stands gathered, discussing the brats of the day, who had worse, waiting for the so-called turn of the century light up display the park is going to put on. “I don’t get this holiday.” I say under my breath but Rachel and Sam hear me, shooting me odd looks. “I mean,” I stop, running a hand through my curls, “It’s much classier to celebrate Bastille Day,” I kick a few rocks. “That’s what my family does.” I wave my hand, half-heartedly, around us at the gathering of park members and guests, “Not stand around in this gross heat, waiting to watch some colors pollute the sky,” I’m not trying to give in to how pretentious I sound but it’s also true.

Rachel laughs under her breath and I nudge my shoulder against hers. “No, I’m sorry, it’s just… why?” Her laughter fades a smidge but the fireworks interrupt the conversation and we all look toward the sky.

As the greens and blues explode above us, I feel Rachel move closer to me and I don’t think about it but put my arm across her shoulders. Maybe I should’ve thought, maybe I should’ve held back, but she didn’t move away. I look down at her, her eyes turned to the sky, watching with her wide eyes as the sounds echoed around us. As people exclaimed and clapped but she didn’t say anything and stayed right beside me, staring at the blues and pinks and silver as they decorated the sky. I turn from her and look up as well. I didn’t know they could be so beautiful.

I thought that the Fourth of July was just the smell of combustibles and parents drinking in the back with their decked-out friends as their kids teased and poked at me for liking musicals and listening to songs that weren’t N’Sync or Christina Aguilera. I didn’t realize that it could be comfortable with the most interesting girl beside me in the most deadass spot in this small town. 

Maybe that’s why I stayed around, passing beers back and forth with the crew after the big boss left. It got me another second with Rachel, watching her laugh along to the others jokes, tossing popcorn at each other as we teased Sam or Kurt, teased each other. When I tilt my head toward the parking lot, Rachel gets it right away and takes my hand as I lead her out. 

That’s how we ended up on her parents couch making out like no tomorrow. Like the sun wouldn’t rise and the fireworks were our last hurrah. We originally started out in the car, where I leaned in and kissed her as soon as we got in. The windows were fogged and the only music came from the Park but we didn’t care. 

I kissed her then like I did now. It didn’t matter if it led to something else. What mattered is I got to be with Rachel, the aspiring star of Broadway who works at a stupid amusement park to earn a bit of money before she moves. Rachel, who was obsessed with gold star stickers and adorned everything she could with them- I found that out tonight as she put one on my dashboard as I drove us to her place.

And now she was under me, biting my lip, driving me crazy, and I felt her mouth part under my lips and her tongue draw across mine, deepening the kiss. It wasn’t the first time she had done this but it never failed to send goosebumps along my arms and create a need in me that was hard to hide. She could probably feel it against her right now but she didn’t push me away, instead, she pushed her hips up, grinding against me and making me see lights behind my eyelids. She made me want her so much I couldn’t think anymore.

Our kiss turned hungry, one of my hands slipping under her shirt and her hands drifted toward the belt of my jeans. She let me continue and I pulled up, looking at her, with her swollen lips and hair spilled around her. Her eyes were heavy lidded with an intensity that mirrored mine and I came back, kissing down her neck, moving my hand south. And then the door lock switched and we both shot up like rockets. 

I looked at her with wide eyes. She shook her head at me, her eyes the same, flicking between me and the door and I realized that I would meet her parents tonight whether I wanted to or not.

* * *

A few days passed and I hadn’t seen Rachel as she was off-shift. I thought I would go through withdrawal from not being able to talk to her. Luckily, my cell rings across my room and I dart for it, happy to see her name flashing across the screen. “Jesse?” Her voice sounds stressed and immediately my smile is gone, replaced by worry.

“Hey, is something wrong?” I sit on my bed, ready to turn into whoever she needs, to be that person for her. Silence passes and I wait, my hand balling into a fist of nerves over and over as I wait. 

I hear her breath, a little shaky, uneven but she speaks finally. “Do you want to go to Rinky Dinks? It’s this roller rink downtown but Cedes said that-”

I don’t even really care what the rest of her sentence was; I would go anywhere if she asked. “Sure, do you want me to pick you up?” I offer. 

“Please,” she says, as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders with my offer. We don’t stay on the phone much longer than that. 

Once I click off, I pull on my closest t-shirt and grab the closest jacket. It wasn’t much in the way of impressing her, but I didn’t think she cared about that much either. She liked to dress up outside of work with skirts and hair pins but I liked to think my comfortable style complimented that quite well. 

I looked in the mirror, arranging my curls into a coiffed state with little work and was out the door.

* * *

The roller rink didn’t have much to it except that it served alcohol to minors with barely passable fake ID’s. This was as small town as it is, I didn’t think the fake ID’s mattered one way or another because you definitely knew that the kids sliding you a twenty was the Quarterback who lived two houses down with the overly religious mom and dad who mowed the lawn  _ every _ weekend.

But Rachel was here, subtly curled into my side as she sipped on a lukewarm beer and watched the others roll around the oval, squeels of laughters peeling from the girls as their dates fell over. “They’re lucky.” She says, bringing the bottle to her lips. 

“How so?” I ask, watching her. Something had her down tonight. Maybe something happened at work or maybe with her Dads but she didn’t say anything yet and I didn’t want to push her too much, not when we weren’t technically dating yet.

She shrugs, “they don’t have to worry about money, college, boys, or parents fighting.” 

“You don’t know that.” I reply and she gives me a curious glance. “They could be dealing with alcoholic parents and this is their only source of freedom, or maybe their parents can’t give them an allowance and their friends are supporting them for a night to give them a break.” I reason and point to a random girl in the crowd smiling at a boy. “She could be struggling to keep straight A’s and have crippling anxiety and yet she just wants a night without worries with the boy who makes her think that everything will be okay.”

She makes a humming sound, listening thoughtfully. “I’m not saying that they have it worse or that it takes away from your experience, but don’t assume, you know.” I shrug, trying not to sound like an ass. “You never know what someone’s life is like.” 

“I’ve never asked about your family, I don’t think.” She sits up, placing her empty bottle on the table, turning to me. 

“I don’t think you have,” I answer, trying to remember if she ever did. Was it me that showed all the interest?

“You listened to me ramble on and on about my life but I’m such a bitch- how could I not ask about yours?” She grabs my hand off my lap and looks at me squarely in the eyes and I try not to show how shaken I am just by her touching me. “What’s your family like? Do you have siblings? What do your parents do? Do they live around here? Do your siblings work? Why do you work at the park? What do you lik-”

“Rachel, slow down,” I chuckle, squeezing her hand. She shuts her mouth and for the first time tonight I think I got a real smile out of her. “My family is dysfunctional and rich.” I tell her and her brows furrow, probably as to why I am at the park. “I have two older siblings,” I continue. “My sister is ten years older and my brother, twelve years.” I think, running through her questions in my mind. “My dad is an expensive lawyer and my mother is a political housewife for the most part.” I pause, and think about what else she could want to know. I think, drawing a blank.

“Do they live here?” She asks.

I laugh, “no, they live in Akron in a big house in a gated neighborhood.” I play with her hand as she realizes we aren’t cut from exactly the same cloth. “I’m living with my uncle right now who is going through some stuff but he also needs time so I chose to get a part time job locally so I can be around at the same time.” 

I watch her digest all the info I gave her but she doesn’t back away from me. “Not what I had thought,” she finally says with a nod of her head and shoots me a smile. Her smile disarms me and my story seems to have lifted her mood which is good in my opinion. “You want to get out of here?” She asks me and for a girl who has never been with anyone, she sure poses that question a lot. 

I stand and offer her my hand, “Careful, Berry- someone might think you like me.” I joke and she laughs, making my heart stutter. She doesn’t respond though, just takes the lead and we leave the disco lights behind us.

* * *

We ended up back in the auditorium that I had brought her to before. I sat at the back of the stage watching her walk around and explore. I had been here a million times, but she had been here once. There was still a lot for her to see. “I can’t believe this is where you practiced!” She exclaims, her voice echoing around us and I can’t help the smile appearing on my face. “It’s on a whole other level from New Directions.”

“Do you guys meet during the Summer?”

“Yea, every Saturday morning and Wednesday afternoon.” She does a spin on the stage which makes me think of Laurie from Oklahoma. “A lot of the people at the park are part of the Glee club too.” She tells me, her back toward me as she does a few more spins and twirls. I nod, having understood that since I got here. A lot of them were gone on those days and I’ve covered a few of their shifts as well. 

“And Wednesday nights?” I ask, wondering if I’m being subtle. She pauses in her journey across my stage and turns to look at me, a questioning gaze. “Are you free, say, this Wednesday night?” I ask more straight forward and still she stares.  I start feeling awkward, waiting for some kind of response and stand, moving toward her. “I thought, maybe we could go out…” I let my sentence linger as she finally moves, turning to face me fully as I come to her side. “Unless I read the situation wrong?” I ask hesitantly, now waiting for the crushing blow that she would surely deliver instead. I shot my shot way to soon I realized. 

Her eyes scramble around, searching for something and I know- I read everything wrong. “It’s not that I don’t like you,” she starts and I wave her off. "I just-"

“It’s fine. Let’s get you home.” I say instead, cutting both our words short.  I walk in front of her and I can’t figure out if I’m happy or sad that she doesn’t even try to fight me on this. The fact that she rejected me hurts and I want to ask why, see what went wrong. Just a few days ago we were making out on her couch, going further than before and now she's back off. It doesn't make sense to me but then again, when do hearts in love have to make sense?

The car ride is very quiet, bordering on awkward. She doesn’t say anything but I don’t say anything either. What could I possibly say?

  
  



	5. explosions in the sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from Young and In Love by Ingrid Michaelson

So Rachel rejected me. Did I move too fast? I don’t think I did… the signs were all right. She laughed when we were together, called me when she wasn’t feeling great, she was starting to confide in me, and the kisses… well to me, the chemistry was out of this world. There had to be something else going on with her that led to her rejecting me. Something… tall maybe? Maybe with a kid? No, what was I thinking- Rachel isn’t that kind of person. She was sweet and gentle. No matter the feelings, if they did exist or not, Rachel wasn’t the kind of person who would act on them and try to wreck a life. I shake my head and focus back on my job. I can worry more about this later on. 

“Kid, you can’t just-” I stop a kid from reaching out, trying to take off with a prize he didn’t win, which prompts him to start wailing. I sigh, closing my eyes, praying for this to end. 

“Do you want to go out with us tonight?” A girl’s voice cuts through everything and I turn to my booth’s side. Kitty stands with some of the Ride’s crew and some others. “We’re going to go see a movie,” She explains. “You look like you could use a pick-me-up.” She adds like a last ditch attempt. It’s a bit strange to be approached by them as Rachel and Sam are the people I usually hang with, but with Rachel still avoiding me and Sam dealing with a family issue, I wasn’t exactly full of things to do.

“That obvious, huh?” I look at my watch, seeing the time, running a hand absently through my hair, still reeling from Rachel’s rejection and the side-effects of that seemed obvious. “But I’m still on for another hour,” I explain, turning down the offer. 

“We can wait,” she pushes and I blink at her. Kitty was leaning against the side of the booth, giving the Dad’s of the park a great view if they took it. The belle of the theme park, pretty much had all the guys here wrapped around her, but to me… she seemed to be in need of a different attention and  _ not _ the ‘daddy’ type either. I want to roll my eyes at all the fantasies I’ve heard out of Sam. She was pretty, that was for sure. Anyone with eyes could tell you that, but she was only seventeen and if she was interested in me, she was barking up the wrong tree. If what everyone has been hinting at was true, this was a chance to eliminate all rumors and if it wasn’t, then a night out with some coworkers would be fun.

“Okay,” I say absently, not taking much convincing. A movie would be fun, something different than just going home to help my Uncle put together another boat in a bottle. “If you guys don’t mind.” She gives me a smile and turns away, heading toward her group. It would definitely turn out to be a cool night, I thought to myself as I turn back to the now-quiet kid and a missing prize.

I bide the time and soon, I’m out of there, leaving my booth to the night worker and walking through to the main office to clock-out. “Hey, Hudson,” I wave on my way out, my mind now thinking about what movies were showing. I think a new comedy came out- that would be fun if they haven’t chosen already. He was chilling by a booth, his toolbox open with a few tools out here and there.

“Hey, St. James,” he angles his body towards me and I slow down, turning back to him, “I saw you talking to Kitty,” he raises his eyebrows in question and a goading smirk on his face. I don’t know what did it either, but suddenly, looking at him a feeling wraps around me, something starting to bother me, that this man is not a friend. He knew I was into Rachel. He had overheard the conversations between us, between Sam and I. He  _ knew _ , so why Kitty, why now? “She’s had a bit of a thing for you so it’s good, you know?” He shrugs with a strange grin on his face that I can’t read into. 

“She’s seventeen, Hudson.” I reprimand, “and I don’t think it’s any of your business.” I responded coolly, suddenly worried about telling him anything, letting on anything. His vibe wasn’t good, more like trying to lead on a path away from Rachel and toward someone else but how would he know things had gone south for Rachel and I- unless she had told him and now he was barking up her tree. 

I knew there was something there, I ignored it- hoped it wasn’t strong, but I am a fool. Her rejection makes sense now and he’s trying to make sure my interest in her is gone. If he had never approached me, maybe the clues wouldn’t have come together, but he did. Rachel rejected me because of something Hudson has said. He told her something, is leading her on and she decided to choose him.

He raises his hands as if I was holding a gun. “Chill, St. James.” He says and I return it with a glare. “I thought we were friends.” I want to punch the smile off his face.

“Not likely.” I responded clippedly, turning around and heading to clock out, angry that he played a part in this, played me, is playing Rachel. It’s not like he was single- he had a girl and a baby at home and here he was also trying to keep Rachel? And more than that, she was letting him get to her, persuade her. We were both fools

* * *

I walk into the theatre, still lowkey pissed at Hudson for what he might have done, and see Kitty leaning against a wall, furiously typing away on her phone, “Where is everyone else?” I say as I approach, my hands deep in my pockets, starting to wonder if this had been a setup and she was trying to play some games. I wasn’t up for it if she was.

She sighs loudly at the screen of her phone, barely casting me a glance. “I’m surprised you came!” She snaps, “Blaine decided to ditch because his boyfriend got off work early, most of the Rides Crew decided to go get high at some frat party, and who knows about the other two.” She speaks more in rage at the phone than at me and I gather that it most definitely wasn’t her plan to single me out. 

I chuckle a bit and she looks at me, a tiny glare shooting out at me too. “Well, I mean, we can still go see it.” I wave to the ticket guy waiting for the next customer to come up. “You worked so hard to plan it, you should get to enjoy it.”

“You don’t mind?” She asks and suddenly I see Rachel in the parking lot, asking me if I’m serious about being her ride. The same energy. “Really?” She asks, and I shake away the scene and shrug, nodding my head and she smiles. For once she didn’t seem like the famous Kitty of the Park that all the guys slobbered over but just a girl wanting to have a break, a night of peace. Suddenly she wasn’t Rachel anymore, she was just Kitty. 

“Of course not.” I say, “we’re friends.”

She gives me an off look as she locks her phone and drops it into her bag, “We’ve spoken a total of five times,” she says and I can’t help but smirk at her quip. 

“Five times is a lot.” I answer and she slides her arm through mine and I stop for a second but she pulls me along without breaking a step. Definitely different from Rachel- Rachel never would have been so brazen.

“Okay, okay- let’s go then. It’s about to start.” She doesn’t pause to give the guy a ten, both tickets getting deposited in her hand and I can’t help but ask something, feeling more on the side of awkward with her touching me a bit more intimately but I didn’t want to disappoint her since tonight had technically been a bust.

“What are we seeing?”

“Oh! It’s this new comedy with Ryan Ryenolds in it. Everyone is raving about it.”

“I’ve been wanting to see it.” I comment lightly and she smiles up at me, jumping on her toes, excited.

“Well then, tonight is your lucky night.” She says and I can’t help but think for a moment that she is kind of cute but not my type. She was bubbly and exciting, seemed to be full of hyper energy and definitely a people person, but she wasn’t  _ her _ . “Popcorn?” She asks in the middle of my musings.

I take this chance to detangle from her, pulling my wallet out, and angle it at her, “my treat, since you set this up.” She grins widely at me and nods.

* * *

“You called last night?” I say, looking out towards the park and not directly at her. I was scared to be honest. I had had a good time last night- Kitty was fun and a good distraction from heartbreak. She didn’t care in the end that no one had been able to come and we grabbed some pasta afterward before splitting ways as friends. 

Whatever Finn and Sam were saying was a lie. Kitty was just a friend and she seemed to be on that page too. She told me so, that she liked that I didn’t see her as a girl, and felt she could just be her. The fact when I got home and had a missed call from Rachel had seemed like fate, that there would never be anything between me and Kitty, but that didn’t mean there was something to rescue between Rachel and I, no matter how much I wanted there to be.

I watch her turn toward me and look at me, a downcast look in her eyes. The park had yet to open and most of us were bustling around in preparations but I stood there waiting for an explanation I didn’t want to hear. “Sorry I didn’t text back, I was tired when I got home.” I say and finally turn to her. I was avoiding her too, especially her eyes that stared at me like I was someone important, but not important enough. I failed to meet the mark and fell off her radar. I knew that and I hated it. 

She spins a prize toy in her hand, some bunny painted with unicorn colors. “I heard you went out with Kitty.” She says dryly, her eyes not leaving mine and I don’t get what she wants if that’s what she has to say. 

“Is that why you called?” I ask, a breath leaving me, incredulous. She rejects me and I go out with a friend and she’s suddenly acting the jealous girlfriend. 

Another puzzle piece falls and a question hits me:  _ how _ ? How the hell was information getting circulated around here? Oh-  _ Hudson _ . I don’t want to look at her suddenly, I don't want to know anything. She wasn’t close to the rides crew as far as I know and it seemed that Hudson was making sure I didn’t come between him and his plan. We both look away from each other, letting the tense moment pass while watching the other workers. I see Kitty at the Whirling Viking and she waves. I nodded my head in greeting back and then waited, turning back to the girl who has my heart and is crushing it as well.

She watches the exchange and her eyes mirror something like wrestling emotions, as if she’s trying to straighten something out in her head. “No, I called because…” She trails off, hitting the bunny against her legs and doesn’t know how to complete her sentence. She doesn’t meet my eyes but lets her brown hair fall across her face and I have restrain my hands from pushing it back like I want to do. 

Instead it was time to have an honest conversation about what was going on in her life, in her head. I needed to know because while I pursued her, she never made it clear and when I did, she closed herself away. “Because what Rachel? You made it clear what you wanted from me a few nights ago so I don’t think it really matters how I spend my nights.” I bite out and she hesitates, the bunny stilling in her hands. I know I’m pushing her hard, against my better judgment, but I feel like I’m backed into a corner too.

“I know, I know-” She responds, her voice a little broken and I hate it. I hate hearing her sad and disappointed, but she is what lead us here and we can’t go back, not yet at least. “I’m sorry, okay?” She turns to me and her eyes are clear, echoing her emotions in such an honest way I can’t help but feel them thread through me. “I’m going through some stuff and when you asked about an actual date, I just got startled.” She explains, telling the truth, but I don’t believe she is telling all of it, giving me a simple shrug and moving closer, but not close enough.

“It’s fine.” I say lamely, not knowing what to say, how to respond to her.

She shakes her head and steps closer again. “No, no it’s really not.” She insists and I wish she knew how much this was torturing me. This conversation, her moving steps, all calling me to wrap my arms around her and say it will all be okay, but I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want something half-way with her. I want it all. I want the truth and her heart. I want to feel her emotions at 100%, not hidden halfway behind half-truths. “I don’t feel good about it either.” She holds the bunny softly, running her thumbs over the fake fur. “Let me apologize, Jesse, please?” She asks and I nod.

“You can apologize if you want, if it’ll make you feel better but Rachel, I don’t-”  _ need it. I need you  _ is what I wanted to tell her, but she cuts me off. 

“I’ll make it up to you,” She exclaims, her eyes lighting up and the bunny is squished in between her hands in her excitement. “We can just put it behind us, go back to normal?” She asks and I don’t have the heart to refuse that. Yes, I want 100% with her, I want to rescue her from Hudson’s games, but I need a starting place too. She wasn’t a girl who would actively break up a family- no, she was being manipulated. 

“How will you make it up to me?” I ask, not being flirty, just genuinely interested. 

It was no lie that Rachel had a way with her words, in the fact that most were random statements that threw you off and had you racing to remember what you were saying in the first place, but she could probably convince NASA that the moon was made of cookies if she tried.. She nods excitedly, “You’ll find out,” she smiles at me and I don’t discourage her, I can’t. She’s too cute in my eyes and my heart still falls around her and those doe eyes that she turns on me.

We stare at each other for a second and then my name gets called, “Jesse!” I look over and see Kitty walking toward us. “Sorry,” she says to Rachel and I can’t help but study the brown eyes, watch them for any sign. “Jesse,” I look back at the blonde. “Can I get your help? The sign is stuck.” She motions to her ride of the day and I look at the fallen sign, laughing at the angle of it that cuts off the words. 

Rachel cuts in, her voice sweet, “Shouldn’t Finn be the one to do that?” She asks and I see it, the jealousy. Kitty looks at her, unapologetic. 

“I don’t make it a habit to call on him.” She says and to anyone else it would sound like a simple statement, but I’ve been putting the pieces together and from Rachel’s reaction, she’s surprised someone else might’ve too. “So, Jesse?” She asks and I motion with my hands. 

“Lead the way.” I say and she smiles, not the same smile as Rachel, but her own smile, a happy smile. She loops her arm through mine, which I’m finding out to be a Kitty-thing and I look back at Rachel, mouthing ‘sorry’, pretending to not have noticed her reaction to Kitty’s stab, the implications that It could mean. I could let it go if she does. Maybe that’s how she apologizes.

* * *

“Mending fences, St. James?” A low voice asks from the front of my stall and I turn around to see Hudson’s face looming. I look behind him and see Rachel joking around with a member of the Choir Crew, Kurt, I think, and my eyes slide back to Hudson. 

I don’t say anything to him, don’t tell him a thing that was said, now weary of his interest. “Staying out of trouble, Hudson?” I ask and send him what I hope is a knowing look. I actually don’t know anything concrete but if he thinks I do then maybe he’ll back off, let Rachel move along in peace. 

He glowers at me instead, his hand on the stall turning to a fist. “You’re messing with history, St. James, and it’s best you watch it.” 

I don’t give into his taunt, instead squaring up to him. “Sometimes history is best left as history, don’t you think?” I ask back, and his glare harden, his mouth turning into a sneer and he pushes off the stall, walking off. 

“What was that about?” I hear behind me and turn to see Rachel’s curious eyes. Curious and worried. 

“He’s mad I fixed the stupid sign,” I lie, pointing to Kitty’s ride. “Said I should stay in my stall and leave the big boy stuff to him.” I shrug, laughing it off. She rolls her eyes.

“Figures,” she comments, hopping up to sit on my counter space as the place winds down. “He can be a bit territorial, Finn can.” She tells me, looking at the sign. “I’ve known him since elementary school and he’s never changed.”

“That’s a long time to know someone.” I say and she hums in agreement. “Lots of history.” I say and she shrugs. Her brown eyes seem full of thoughts and I’m waiting for the moment they turn on me.

“Jesse,” She says suddenly, breaking her silence and I look at her and her hand reaches out, and I reach for it, letting her pull me in. She doesn’t hesitate, her hand warm on my neck as I step between her legs, my hand pushing back her hair and her lips on mine. Her lips are soft and taste like vanilla. Her breath tastes of sweet coffee and everything seems normal again. My heart steadys under her hand and I feel like the planets aligned once more. 

This kiss isn’t hot and earth-shattering like the ones from the car or on her father’s couch. This kiss is eye opening and sweeter than candy. She pauses and pulls away just a bit and I realize we’re both out of breath. “I realized something,” she says and I pull away further, letting my hand drop to her thigh, letting myself look fully at her, seeing a happiness in her eyes that I hadn’t seen before. “I really don’t want to lose you.” She finishes and I smile at her.

“I don’t think you can get rid of me.” I answer her silent question and she breathes deep, that happiness growing around her and she pulls me in, not to kiss me senseless but needing me to hold her and I wrap my arms around her. I’m okay without the title of ‘boyfriend’ for now. For now I can be the Jesse that she needs. 


	6. I'd rather forget than have to forgive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from "It Could Be Better" by Lewis Watson

Sam comes back a week later and things are a hundred percent normal. Rachel chills at the booth, happy with my arm around her as Sam recounts his tales from home, all the antics his little siblings tried while the whole family was actually home. Rachel laughs and I nod along, happy for a normalitivity. “How’s everything been while I was away?” He asks Rachel and I, which prompts us to share a look.

She shrugs. “Nothing much,” She’s personal, likes keeping things close and not airing all the events like a siren catching a ship. 

“Rachel!” She turns and Hudson is waving her back to the basketball games. 

She sighs heavily and then smiles at us, “guess it’s all fixed up,” she laughs with zero humor which makes us smile. She reaches up and kisses me on the cheek. “See you later,” she ends, walking out of my booth. 

We both watch her walk away, her hips swaying a certain way. Her ponytail waving me over. She was everything I could ever wish for in a girl and how lucky I was. “Wouldn’t you look at that.” Sam points and I refocus, looking at Rachel arguing with the Doof Hudson. “Probably not happy you stole his girl.”

“He already has a girl,” I respond and continue to watch as Rachel has the last word and Hudson stomps away, not looking too happy. He raises his eyebrows as we return to the booth work as the drama show is over. Kids walk past with no looks and we wait. 

“Well, I heard that you went out with Kitty while I was gone, so things must not be so happily ever after with you two.” 

I give him an incredulous look and shake my head, not even wanting to know how he managed to hear about that. “We didn’t go out- everyone else just didn’t show up.” I really look at him, annoyed all of a sudden, “and I really don’t get what you guys are on about with this Kitty-crush stuff. She’s just a girl looking to have a fun summer, not be thirsted after by a bunch of boys.” Sam’s eyes widened and he looks at me with the same look I had given him.

Eventually he shakes his head, not saying more on the topic, probably not wanting to start a fight so fresh after his return, but I didn’t like how they objectified her just because she walked around with a little more skin showing than the others. “Look, Jesse,” I look over at him, “All I’m saying is Hudson and Rachel have been involved longer than you’ve been in the picture, so good for you for getting her out of that mess.” 

I stare at him for what must seem like an eternity before finally uttering, “what?” 

“You didn’t know?” He asks, backing up suddenly, “Shit.” He says under his breath. “I’m not getting in this, I just thought she would’ve…” He trails off, running his hand through his hair. 

“She had a crush on him and he led her on, right?” I ask him, suddenly wondering if the girl of my dreams is the girl of my nightmares for the first time, with me hoping against everything that she didn’t, that I didn’t fool myself over her. “That’s what is going on right?” I ask again and he shakes his head. 

“It’s not my place, Jesse.” Is all he gives me, turning as a kid runs up with a group. “Talk to her,” he nods his head toward the basketball shooting game, where Rachel is entertaining a giant group of pre-teen boys, egging them on. Her eyes catch mine and she smiles but I can’t find the energy to return it.

I put her on a pedestal. I put her up there and decorated it with dreams and love and forgot to remember that she’s just a girl, a person. But how could she do that? Quinn and the kid- how could she intervene in that? How could she drag me into it and keep me in the dark- letting me guess and hope that maybe, maybe it wasn’t what it was.

* * *

Hudson catches me at lunch, grabbing my arm and nearly dragging me around to an unseen place.I yank away, pushing against his chest. “Shove off, Hudson!” He trips backward and I glare at him. “Leave us alone.” I say carefully, fully intending to walk away but he grabs my shoulder, pushing me back into the wall. 

“Listen, St. Jerkface,” He spits at me, all air of niceties gone and I roll my eyes at his lame twist on my name. Nothing I hadn’t heard before. “I get that you’re used to girls falling at your feet and, trust me, I see that you’re too busy tripping over Berry’s,” he laughs pushing hard against my shoulder again, “But she’s not into you okay?” 

I ignore the pain and stare at him. “What would you know about us?” I snap, letting my anger get the better of me and engaging with the daft beast who can’t figure out his place. “What do you know about her?” I say, acting like I, myself, know anything.

“I know everything.” He gloats and I fight to not roll my eyes too hard. “I know when she rejected you, it was because she wanted me.” He says and I remember that night. “I know that she’s only back with you to get over me.” He taunts, “and it won’t work because do you know where she was last night?” He looms over me, pressing me further to the wall, not letting me run. He’s forcing me to hear his words, to know something I could’ve guessed but wanted to ignore. “She was with me, wrapped in my sheets-” I didn’t think. I just acted.

My fist swung out, connecting with his jaw in something resembling an upper cut from the angle he forced me into. His voice stopped circling me, instead he stumbled far back. I went in again, swinging again, aiming for his jaw and connecting with it. “Anything I want to know,” I grunt out as he swings at me low and I try to dodge but it somehow connects with my shoulders. “I’ll ask Rachel,” I swing back and he blocks me. 

This wasn’t a boxing fight but a dog fight and soon he was barreling at me, my back knocking into the wall and I could feel it bend under his pressure. Football wannabe, no kidding. The air knocks out of me and I do the only thing I can think of after watching all those fights, late-night, with my uncle. I slam my elbow into his back. A jolt goes through my arm and I feel his fist connect with my side. I slam it down again, as hard as I can before he can get another hit in.

He starts laughing randomly. “Damn, she’s got you whipped and she doesn’t even see you.” He throws another as I do and we both hit with him locking me down. 

“Yes, she does,” I push him back, trying to get him off me. I was breathless and had taken a few well aimed hits. He had gotten some from me no doubt but my senses were coming back and I realized that we had attracted people, a lot of the crew was surrounding us looking as if we were the main attraction of the park. “Rachel isn’t like that.” I tell him, coming close so others didn’t hear and he just looks as if he is about to laugh in my face. I begin massaging my chin, “She wouldn’t do that.”

“You barely know her,” he aims again and I successfully duck this one at the same time Rachel pushes her way into the circle. She doesn’t run to either of us, she just stands looking wildly back and forth between him and I. He stops his whaming mid-swing and I stand straighter, no doubt looking rougher than him as I’m no fighter. “What are you doing here?” Finn speaks first and she slants a look at him, not a happy one.

“I had to check.” She says, “the whole park is buzzing with the workers fighting each other.” She gestures to the crowd. “What the hell are you thinking?” She asks him pointedly, thinking he started this no doubt and Hudson is going to use that to paint me as the bad guy- what’s the point though?

“I didn’t start it!” He yells back, expected, and she looks at me, doubting that his words are true but I don’t do anything. I’m still thinking of the words that began this now that she is in my view but she isn’t staring at me anymore and I can see the worry lacing into her eyes as she glares him down.

“You did it, didn’t you?” I ask of her, my voice breaking against the words and her brows furrow in confusion. “He said you were with him last night, that’s why I lost it- because I thought no way, but you were- you did,” I mumble off and she comes closer but I back away.

“Jesse, listen.” She answers but not the answer I wanted. When it’s clear I won’t, she runs a hand down her face, like I’m one of the kids at the booth that just won’t listen to the fact I’m not getting the big rabbit plush. “I was- but not like he painted it.” She starts and I turn away, not wanting to know anything more. “Jesse, I was there because I ended it completely- nothing else-” I cut her off, turning back around, completely distracted from the fight with Hudson. 

“Why was there something to end, Rachel?!” I stress at her. I want to yell, scream some sense into her but it all would fall on deaf ears. “How could you-” She cuts me off, coming closer, her hands soft on my arms but I don’t want it. I pull away, walking into the crowd, wanting to disappear.

“I don’t know…” She follows me, “It just- he just-” she stutters around her words and loses them as I turn back, standing so close that I could lean down and kiss her and I hate that I think that. 

“You had an affair, Rachel.” I state, clean and simple. 

“He’s not married,” She pushes back and I want to laugh at her words at the same time she must realise that her words are twisted as well. “It’s just, look, the kid might not be his- Jesse,” I run my hand through my curls, no doubt messing them up but what did it matter. “Finn and I were dating when Quinn came back to him. We had been dating for a few mon- He was trapped and I love- I really loved him.” She breaks down and I want to wipe the tears away, I want to hold her and say it will all be okay but she’s breaking my heart at the same time and I can’t. I can’t justify holding her and loving her knowing that she was with someone else at the same time.

I turn away, walking away from the situation but her hand captures me, and she rounds around me, standing in front of me. Her hands brush every surface and I realise, when her hands run over my face, I am crying. “I’m stupid, okay?” She whispers. “He told me that things weren’t going well, he said-”

“I can guess what he said,” I tell her, my voice colder than ice and I step out of her hands, looking at her, really looking at Rachel Berry, the girl who stole my heart in a summer, the girl who sang my perfect melody, the one who I thought was my inevitability. I look at her again, making up my mind. “I just can’t believe you believed it.” I shrug and begin to move forward but her hand on my chest stops me. 

“Don’t judge me, Jesse.” Her voice is hard, no longer begging, but hurting. Experiencing the hurt I was. I let it roll over me in waves. Let myself feel it more than I want to because if I don’t, I’ll give into her. 

“I’m not.” I tell her and I see a bit of reflief pass in her. “I’m not judging you.” I answer because I wasn’t anymore. I wasn’t someone who had that right. “To judge you, I’d have to care.” I finish, waiting for her response, trying to build back up the Jesse who turned down multiple girls in the college circuit. Trying to remember the guy I had been before Rachel. That hardened guy who didn’t care what people did. The guy who would’ve kissed Kitty that night- the one who wouldn’t care about the drama circling this girl in front of me.

I must manage it because she finally backs off. “Jesse, don’t..” She shakes her head. “Don’t do this,” she cries quietly, “I’m sorry I messed up but I haven’t been with him since we got back together.” She comes close again and I smirk my signature smirk, putting my hands in my pockets and looking at her. 

“It doesn’t matter, okay?” I tell her, patting her on the shoulder. “It doesn’t have anything to do with me.” I respond, kicking a rock. I take a look around the park, deciding I won’t miss it. “It’s been fun, Berry.” I lie and walk forward not looking back because if I do, I’ll break and she’ll have another chance.

“Jesse, wait!” I didn’t wait. I went home.

* * *

“Are you sure about this, Jess?” My uncle asks me, looking on with concern as I pack my bags. I couldn’t be here, I wanted to go home- back to New York. A safe place with no Rachel- at least for another month or so. I wanted to leave it behind. 

It had been a week or so since the big fight. I had quit the park that day, not bothering to let the crew know. Sam and I had texted back and forth a few times. He kept updating me on the events, not that I asked. I even told him quite a few times that I didn’t care. But apparently Hudson had finally demanded a paternity test, declaring to Rachel he was serious and if it wasn’t his kid, he would propose to her right then. Sam said it was quite the scene because Rachel had slapped him, telling him to grow up. 

Rachel had texted a few times but I didn’t text back. I didn’t know her- I had created the girl I fell in love with. I had been blinded and had missed so much of the real events, I didn’t try to understand her that day but I was trying. I didn’t realize… I didn’t have anything to do with her and Hudson, that wasn’t me but I didn’t really know her- not like he did and that was my fault. 

I look around the room. It was small but little things stayed around, things from the park that I forgot to return. “Yea, it’s time for me to go back.” I say and he smiles sadly. I know it’s going to be quiet for him again but I can’t get rid of the feeling that I need to go. “I’ll be back,” I tell him instead, giving him a smile and he smiles back, happily.

“Well, let’s have a last dinner before you go.” He says and I nod, relenting to that because why not. “Invite your friends, they’ll wanna say bye.” I think, wondering who I would invite. He had a good point. I might not see these people again, but I should say bye at least. 

I pick up my phone and send a text to two people: Kitty and Sam. Sam would love to be in her presence and Kitty was a friend, even if I didn’t get to see much of her at the end.

* * *

We sat around the table in my Uncle’s dining room with a plate of fried chicken and some sides from the local barbecue place. Sam had picked it up after grabbing Kitty. He thanked me for that when they walked in the door and then proceeded to glare at me when Kitty had hugged me. I just laughed and pushed them in.

My uncle’s place wasn’t cramped, but I realised how big it was with all of us in it. No wonder he was lonely. But with the laughter flowing around, and the beer my uncle was giving out- not caring that the two of them were underage, the place finally seemed full. 

“So, you’re leaving us then?” Sam asks from across the table, mid-bite. 

“Afraid so, the Big Apple is calling me back.” I answer, throwing a napkin at him. 

Kitty watches us intently. “Are you running away?” She asks and I assume Sam kicked her under the table from the look she gives him. “It’s appropriate, okay?” She shoots at him before looking at me, waiting.

I laugh, a real laugh for once and shake my head. “No, I’m not. I’m just,” I shrug thinking over my words. Was I over Rachel? No, not even close. If anything I really missed her smile and her laugh. I missed her Minnie Mouse ears bobbing through the crowd, coming to me. I miss sharing words with her. 

Was I running from this? No, I don’t think I am. Looking at the situation, I need space. I need to be without her and heal from all the drama. I truly don’t judge her- what she did, she thought it was right for her and how can I tell her she’s wrong? “It’s just time to go home.” I wink at her, hiding my thoughts away. Kitty blushes and looks down, returning to her food and Sam aims a kick at my shin this time which only makes me laugh more.

Uncle was right. Dinner is the perfect way to say goodbye.

* * *

I land back in New York and I wonder if Rachel would make it here safely. I really try my best not to care about her, to block her out completely and just move on, but something about her still grabs on. Maybe it’s her laughter walking out of that shitty amusement park or the way she would cast a look over her shoulder, drawing me in. The end of us happened and it was on me. I realise that she wasn’t to blame for that. 

She did something wrong, but it wasn’t my place to forgive her for that. She didn’t cheat on me, she didn’t betray me… She just broke my heart and that, well I had to heal from that on my own. On the trip back I realized that Rachel had made a mistake- she was a human, not some fantastical being that deserved my praise. She was just trying to do what was best for her in that fucked up situation and I understand that now. 

As I place my bag inside my place, I look around. It was different from my Uncle’s small house at the end of the cul de sac. My place was comfy from my parents' money, a place I could never afford on the amusement park wages or from the professor’s assistant salary- I’m luckier than most. I’m lucky to be where I am no matter what I’ve gone through and I won’t look back on this summer with rose-shaded glasses. 

No, I’ll look at it fondly. It was love and full of once in a lifetime chances. It was a summer one would write about if they could and maybe I would. Rachel… Well, I hope she figured her stuff out and was able to leave her home with no bad feelings, that she let go of it like me. I think about Hudson, his controlling nature, how he had to have a say in anything that involved her… I hope she made it here and could restart.

I would. 


	7. Author's Notice

For those who still are reading this: I'm so sorry! 

As the world has been effected by covid-19, I'm lucky to have stayed healthy but between my job and trying to figure out what I plan to do next year, I have had zero time to write and it's not fun- I love to write, it helps me destress but my life has just simply not allowed for it. 

But things are getting better where I am and this is allowing me to start writing again. I have finally started to be able to write the final parts of this story and start some of my other stories. I think after this, I will probably go back to writing 1-2 shots until everything comes to a new normal but it's getting there. I hope for this chapter to be out soon if I get the chance.

Please stay safe and healthy! Wear your masks and wash your hands~~! 

<3 MissRaichyl


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